I believe this situation is the only time a daughter can say the word cock and not get slapped by her mother. Today I drove to mommykin’s place of residence. We had planned on fishing, because, that’s what all good little rednecks do, not to mention it has been a gorgeous day here, but, her man-friend can’t find his fishing equipment. I think we’re going tomorrow to get a few things. At any rate, we sat on the back porch, talking, feeling the nice cool, spring breeze, when it started. The unprovoked, (on our part at least), illegal cock fighting. I see a look in mommykin’s eyes. The look of excitement. “Look at ‘em go. Watch that little game rooster go after the big white one.” I raise an eyebrow. I wasn’t aware there is a difference in roosters-I have no idea what a game rooster is.. do they play Clue and Scrabble? “Watch ‘em spar.” Me: “I really don’t want to sit here and watch animals kill each other.” “Oh, they do this all the time, they’re declaring their territory.” Ok, this territory consists of a small patch of grass a rock and a fenced shelter where they roost. I haven’t heard so much commotion since the time I stole a block of cheese from the government cheese line, (I’m really kidding about this). Cock-a-doodle-doooooooooo. Mommykins: “That’s Boots.” The woman has named her favorite rooster because he has feathers at the bottom of his legs that look like a ghetto version of Ugg boots. Me: “You really need to get out of this holler, (hollow for you city folk) more.” I would rather have been ripping apart worms and fishing. She was still watching the “sparring” when I left.

This is not meant to offend anyone-so take a chill pill. Now, on to my sighting. I stopped to get gas since I was going to my mother’s to help her bake a cake and fix strawberries for her birthday tomorrow. We’re having strawberry shortcake. Yum. Anyway, I was walking out and I passed this person. I was in my own little world, as I often am these days, and paid no attention. Until I get back to my car, pull the seatbelt around me and notice this: A red Jeep Cherokee, with two Dale Earnhardt, Jr bumber stickers, one of those oh so cute window stickers of the kid pissing on the word Ford, an I Love Nascar window decal-and, a Gay Pride rainbow sticker. Why I was so amazed by this is because I really hadn’t watched who walked in when I was leaving. Then I saw her. Black tattoos up and down both arms, a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, a Dale, Jr baseball cap and work boots. Had she not been wearing a sports bra that was coming out of her t-shirt I would never have realized this was a woman. I have never seen a redneck lesbian. Seriously. I know lesbians-none of whom are rednecks. I must tell them so they can keep an eye out. Is there some sort of secret, underground redneck lesbian hangout?