West Virginia Delegate Wants To Ban Barbie, Promote Ultimate Fighting and My Beef With Jay Leno.

Beth March 12 2009 For The Tweeters, Humor, Redneck Antics 12 Comments

Barbie vs. State Government

It’s no wonder West Virginia was recently named the “Least Happiest State To Live,” by some research company who has nothing better to do- just like one of our great, please note sarcasm, lawmakers, Delegate Jeff Eldridge, who happens to hail from the county that is literally a stone’s throw away from me.

Why is Delegate Eldridge an idiot? As most have already read/seen in the news, he proposed legislation to ban Barbie in West Virginia. He seems to think girls look at her as a role model, forcing them to make appearance and physical beauty a priority over academics. I beg to differ.

My cousin and I lived to play “Barbies” when we were little. We would drag out her Dream House, furnish it, she had kids, married, worked, took vacations in her RV and guess what? We were A students. We used our imaginations, unlike a majority of kids today who sit in front of the television, computer, or gaming systems, needing constant outside entertainment. I didn’t grow up wanting to be a woman whose proportions, if set in real life, wouldn’t allow me to walk through a door sideways. Let’s ban Transformers so little boys don’t get the idea of growing up to be a boxy-robot who can transform by bending an arm and a leg in a different direction.

By the way, Delegate Eldridge, just this week, proposed new legislation to bring Ultimate Fighting to the state as “recreation.” Yes, that’s it. Violence. We need more violence in the least happy state of the Union.

Oh and Jay Leno? He can suck it for his comment, (he calls it a joke), stating, “As if selling dolls with teeth in West Virginia was realistic.” Sure, I make fun of rednecks and living in this state. But that’s just it. I live here. I know the truth.

Redneck Related Quote Of The Day, Thanks To My Cousin.

Beth February 15 2009 For The Tweeters, Humor, Redneck Antics 2 Comments

The Stories I Could Tell

I swear, this is an actual quote, said by my cousin about two hours ago while I was on the phone with her. I even told her, “I’m posting what you just said to my blog.” I kept my promise.

“It’s Sunday afternoon and I have 17 rednecks in my front yard.”

Yes, I cracked up.

Appalachian Dialects: I Speak More Better Than You.

Beth October 26 2008 Life As I Know It, Redneck Antics 6 Comments

Appalachian Mountains in West Virginia

See the breathtaking picture on the left? I have a view of the Appalachian Mountains every day. The topic I am going to discuss is a first for me on this blog. Yes, I make fun of rednecks and “inbreds,” but- I know the stereotyped image of us isn’t what one may think. I have always been extremely proud to be born and raised in West Virginia and fascinated by the history the state holds within its borders. The title of the post is only the beginning.

When I started chatting online 12 years ago, I was dumbfounded by the number of people who did not realize West Virginia, is in fact, a state. People would ask, “What part of Virginia are you from?” Or, “How far are you from Virginia Beach?” I, of course would give a snarky response and give a little history lesson- June 20, 1863, West Virginia became a state. No-really, look it up on a map. Better yet, Google Earth. We’re here and we aren’t the backwards, uneducated hillbillies the media-including Hollywood, has made us out to be.

West Virginia, with the rugged mountains, was settled mostly by the Scotch-Irish, with a little German and Welsh in the mix. Once here, the people were so secluded because of the terrain, they either never left, or others never came in, hence, the reason the state has such a unique blend of dialects. No outside influence on language for generations-and guess what? The phrase, “I speak more better than you,” is not incorrect. Sure, English professors will dispute this, but our way of speaking, the words, the phrases, the pronunciations, is archaic- it’s Elizabethan English.

To quote from a site I found via my research, (the reason I even researched was due to the fact my mom and I were cracking up at the way we said certain words and phrases):

Almost all the so-called “bad English” used by natives of Appalachia was once employed by the highest ranking nobles of the realms of England and Scotland.
(ref: Dialect of the Appalachian People

Wow- so let me get this straight. In today’s society we’re ignorant if we use “improper grammar,” but during one point in history our “speak,” was accepted. For example, the phrase my mom and I were laughing about was, “I know what let’s do.” I said this once to a friend of mine living in Connecticut. He looked at me and said, “What did you just say?” I knew very well what I meant-”I know what we can do.” Another phrase used often, “I don’t care to,” (as mentioned in my source), to a “foreigner,” sounds as if we don’t want to do something they have asked, when we really mean, “Yes, I’ll do it.” I used to laugh at my dad for saying “deeshes,” instead of “dishes,” technically, he wasn’t incorrect. If anyone has ever traveled the state, or lived here for any period of time, you would notice our accents aren’t Southern, nor Northern- it’s a mixture of both. I like to call it “Mountain.” Dependent upon the word and context in which it’s said, you’ll hear variations. I wanted to actually record this post so the differences in my speech patterns could be heard, but my microphone isn’t working. Our dialects are probably the most difficult to master if you’re an outsider- I have yet to hear anyone “speak,” a true West Virginian accent. I’m just proud of the fact that I can finally say-I do speak more better than any of ya, whether you like it ‘er not.

WalMart Lowered My Redneck Status.

Beth March 30 2008 Humor, Redneck Antics 24 Comments

There was a time, not too long ago, that I considered myself a “high-class” redneck. I have no tires, or car parts in my yard, I don’t wear camo and although I think a few NASCAR drivers are cute, I don’t consider it a religion. Tonight, or shall I say earlier this morning, I did something to lower my high-class status. I went to WalMart wearing pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt.

What is so funny about the whole thing is the fact I emailed someone earlier about people going to WalMart in pajamas. But, I had no choice. Ok, wait, I did have a choice but at the time I was so miserable I didn’t care what I was wearing. See, I’ve been going to the tanning bed a few days a week. My mother and I split a package, yadda, yadda, yadda and while I’ve always been one to tan fast, for some reason I’m breaking out in hives. This isn’t the first time, the last time I was in a tanning bed, which was close to 4 years ago, the same thing happened, (and before any of you give me the “tanning beds are dangerous speech,” yes, I know, we’re all going to die from something and I might as well have a tan), and after a few visits the hives disappeared. Not this time. My stomach, back and legs are covered in itchy patches not unlike poison ivy. I bought calamine lotion at the dollar store, to no avail, and when I decided I needed Benedryl spray and hydrocortisone cream, I was covered in pink, dried calamine and wasn’t about to shower. This is where WalMart comes in-I swear to you it’s a cult. I heard a voice saying, “It’s just WalMart, who’s going to see you at 2am wearing blue pajama pants and a gray sweatshirt covered in pink goo?” WalMart has finally taken over my soul. I knew I had been there too many times, but for the life of me I never thought I’d go in my pajamas-after making fun of so many others. So, today, I shall sacrifice a John Deere cap, a bag of chewing tobacco and a case of Budweiser in the hopes the redneck Gods give me my high-class status back. If not-the next time I enter that forsaken place, I’ll be wearing flip-flops, spandex and a tank top.