Happy Birthday To My Mother: 64 Years Of Life.

Beth April 23 2009 For The Tweeters, Life As I Know It 7 Comments

Ma Meré ca. 1950-1952

Ma meré is celebrating her birthday today- 64 years young, 36 of which she has spent wondering what she got herself into when she pushed me through her loins. The strongest woman I know, from a difficult childhood, to losing the love of her life at the young age of 43 and having to finish raising a kid on her own. If I could be half the person she is, I’d be content. Happy Birthday, Mommy. Love you.

Ma Meré, 2006

Maxine and Easter.

Beth April 12 2009 For The Tweeters, Humor, Life As I Know It, Maxine Cartoons 3 Comments

Before I post my annual Maxine Easter ‘toon, I would like to confess. My mother, being, well my mother, bought a chocolate/peanut butter egg for me yesterday. Yes, the Easter Bunny still visits me, even at the age of 36. Sue me. This isn’t the issue, though. What did I do with the 5000000000000 calorie egg? I ate the whole damn thing in one day. That’s right, in one day, I woofed down a chocolate/peanut butter egg that weighed, oh, I don’t know, 1/2 a pound? Not in one sitting- no, I nibbled on it until it was nothing but crumbs at the bottom of a box. I had nothing else to eat and drank a lot of water, but let me say this- I never want to see, or eat another one of the freakin’ things again. Ever. Happy Easter all- enjoy Maxine.

Maxine Discusses Easter

If I Kissed A Girl-She’d Be Kyra Sedgwick.

Beth April 10 2009 For The Tweeters, Humor, Life As I Know It 8 Comments

I'd kiss Kyra Sedgwick-wearing watermelon Lip Smackers lip-gloss.

Where the hell have I been since 2005? No, really. Apparently lala land, because, until 2 weeks ago, I wasn’t aware of The Closer, starring Kyra Sedgwick and other people, on TNT. It’s been on the air for 4 years. And me, the person who knows a damn good show when she sees one-didn’t watch it? Anyway, that isn’t the point, although if you haven’t seen it, I suggest going to TNTs site and catching up on season 4, (Season 5 starts in June), because it’s a must see show.

I’m not into chicks, and even if I was- so what- to any friend, or family member reading this, but I would totally kiss her. Look at her freaking lips.

I have this thing about full lips. I am attracted to men with full, luscious lips, in fact, it’s the 2nd attribute I notice. If I see a woman with nice lips, I always say, “I’d love to have her lips.” I have never, in my life stated I’d kiss a chick-nice lips or not. Hello? Look at them. I’m sure this post will have rumors flying. Who cares. Like I’m ever going to a. Meet Kyra Sedgwick or b. Kiss her. (By the way, she’s married to Kevin Bacon).

In honor of the post, I’m sharing Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl video- but, according to an ex-boyfriend, watermelon Lipsmackers lip-gloss tastes better. I don’t like cherry Chapstick anyway.

Skype: The Answer To The Six Degrees To Diane Sawyer.

Beth April 6 2009 For The Tweeters, Life As I Know It 1 Comment

Ok-to anyone reading my blog this morning, including the spammer who decided it was appropriate to inform me he was horny, my next idea to receive a pep-talk call from Diane Sawyer- Skype. Why did I not think of this before? Six people- that’s all I need- someone who knows someone who knows someone and the last person will be given my Skype number and/or user name to pass on-oh and a bottle of West Virginia wine.

Come on! People have been given houses via blogging. I’m asking for one phone call. No meeting, no autograph, unless she wants to send one- nothing. Just advice, since my, uh family, only calls me when they need something, or to complain about their lives. For once- let something exciting happen to me. Getting the 7th fountain drink free from Speedway is becoming mundane.

I’m leaving it up to you folks. And for the Tweeters- if you can RT someone promoting a “business”-and I’m using the term loosely, you can certainly take 1 minute to RT this post.