When I read the title I typed, I snorted, yes I snort when I laugh, not all the time, only when I crack myself up, because it sounded like a “How To” guide by a former Nevada brothel lady, (the term lady being used loosely), named Vanilla Extract. Remind me, if I ever become really desperate for money and I turn to pole dancing- to use the name. Anyway, back to the thought process.
As I was searching for candle scents that will help reduce the smell of stale cigarette smoke, (let’s face it, no I haven’t quit although I abhor the smell in my house), I came across a site dedicated to vanilla. Informational site, especially after I read a piece regarding vanilla, sex and love. I am in no way being paid to promote the site-I simply found the content quite intriguing. Why? First, read the following excerpt, then after reading my entire post, click the link and read the entire page on the subject.
Thomas Jefferson is credited with vanilla’s arrival in the United States. When he returned from his ambassadorship in France in 1789, he was dismayed to discover that no one in the States knew about vanilla, so he wrote his French attaché requesting that he send him 50 vanilla pods. Clearly Jefferson’s personal passion was well received since soon it was used as a flavoring and a medicine, and – you’re right – an aphrodisiac. In the 1800s Dr. John King, advised in the American Dispensatory, that one should use vanilla to, “stimulate the sexual propensities.” He went on to give a very carefully detailed recipe for a decoction promising amorous evenings. If the good doctor was right, a hefty swig of vanilla extract before bedtime could work like a charm.
Ladies, we’ve been doing it wrong all along. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I spend a small fortune to smell nice. The two scents I receive the most compliments on, by men, are Elizabeth Taylor’s perfume, Passion, (I’ve been a die-hard fan of it since junior high for God’s sake), and oddly enough, Cotton Candy, (maybe these men have some kind of carnie-worker fantasy I’d rather not know about). When I can, I’ll fork out $70+ at Elder-Beerman on Passion, (not sure if this is a national store or not, it’s like Macy’s), for the works- the perfume, body lotion and body wash. You can find it cheaper at Wal-Mart and other discount department stores, but my mother and I have both found it does not last as long, nor smell the same. I buy Cotton Candy, made by Demeter, at Kohl’s since my mom gets a 15% discount. I wonder now, for what purpose, when apparently all along a little vanilla behind the ears would have the men following me like rats following cheese. I’m a sweet, flowery smelling kinda gal, but I’m willing to do an experiment for the single women of the world, especially those of us 35 and up, because, well we need all the help we can get in the man department. When I get paid, guess what I’m doing? Buying every damn vanilla scent I can find-including the “recipe” Dr. John King, mentioned in the excerpt, concocted. I have nothing to lose-I’ll either be told, “You smell nice,” or asked if I’ve been baking a cake. Maybe I’ll even find the man of my dreams in the process, sure, he’ll probably be a 3am donut maker, but hey, 4 months away from my 36th birthday, I’ll take anything I can get.
Guys, meaning, those of the male persuasion, listen up-this post is for you too. Panty-liners aren’t just for those carefree days of feminine needs. No, you read that right-I have found another use for panty-liners.
There was a time, not too long ago, that I considered myself a “high-class” redneck. I have no tires, or car parts in my yard, I don’t wear camo and although I think a few NASCAR drivers are cute, I don’t consider it a religion. Tonight, or shall I say earlier this morning, I did something to lower my high-class status. I went to WalMart wearing pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt.
