A Good-Bye To Over 4 Years Of My Life.
Who knew, way back in December of 2004, the impact this little blog would have on my life. Although I had been keeping an online journal, (LiveJournal), since 2002, I never fully revealed myself. From the meaning behind the domain name, afrogtokiss, to the actual title of the blog, bits and pieces of me were coming forth. Not only to the almost 1.3 million people who have passed by, but, more importantly, to me. The post you are reading will be the last on my “blog about nothing.”
I’d like to share some of what I have learned during the last 4 years. I won’t stop blogging. I do have something to offer and it’s my job to encourage others to take notice. I have a little intelligence, a plethora of sarcastic wit and enough heart to fill a million Valentine’s cards. I’m not perfect and I shouldn’t expect to be- I’ve let others, mostly family, force me to feel like a failure. Sure, I’ve failed in quite a few areas of life- but those who should have stood beside me through thick and thin- failed me as well.
I’m not writing a pity post. To those of you who don’t know me, or haven’t read the blog, I’ve dealt with situations most haven’t a clue about until their 30s, 40s, 50s. My dad passed away suddenly when I was 15, leaving my mother and me in a whirlwind of emotions that have never been resolved. I thought it was my responsibility, (because I was told so), to take care of her, while all along I never truly learned how to take care of myself. I have more anger and hurt inside than I ever imagined. Through this blog- I learned I was never allowed to go through the proper grieving process. Do I blame people? I blame a few for not seeing the signs of a kid holding the weight of the world on her shoulders- I also blame myself for not standing up and saying, “Hey- I’m here and I can’t handle everything alone.” I blame myself for not using the intelligence and living my own life the way I always imagined. It’s amazing I didn’t end up as an alcoholic or a drug addict-trust me.
I’m keeping this as short as possible. It’s my turn now. I’ve hit rock bottom and I have to learn how to climb to the place I was meant to be in the world. To all of you whom I’ve met through blogging- thank you. Thank you for being the friend behind the monitor and keyboard. You haven’t seen, nor read the last of me-but I will say, I don’t know how long it will take for me to come back. I do have a new blog in the works, however, due to a bill of over $400 that has to be paid by next Monday, I’ll lose all means of communication, (phone, Internet and TV-thanks Verizon). Don’t give up on me, I have plenty of people in real life who have- I’ll return with a new perspective, but I’ll always be me.
The domain will expire in December, until then, (and until the new blog is running), I bid all of you a very fond, West Virginia, farewell.
One of my favorite songs, first heard it on Bones, horrible quality, but the best I could find-it’s how I feel at the moment. Poco- Keep On Tryin’
We are all in a whirlwind of emotion. We are on your side… Now kissy kissy the froggy.
As Sean O’Casey, the Irish playwright famously wrote, “The world is in a state o’ chassis.”
I think many of us are clinging to some form of wreckage at this time. It’s important to know you’re not the only one and to keep on clinging… and smiling.
Keep on keepin’ on, it’s all we can ever do.
k
i CAN UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT UR EMOTIONS…WE ARE ALL ON UR SIDE BUDDY
We all have problems but it is important that we always know that, after the rain comes the sun. Everything in life revolves round in circles and hope never dies.
This just bites the big one. I hope everything gets worked soon and you’ll be back soon. *hugs*
I hope you’re back on track soon ’cause your blog really seemed to me to be get things going on pretty hard in a natural way of blogging. Congratulations on it. You deserve it.
It is very sad to see you go. I really hope that your journey takes an upward turn and you only go up from here.
i think this my good band
Your blog is good and it is sad you are moving to other ventures. Remember: Everything happens for a reason. Good luck and be strong.
Really nice blog. An interesting article
My first time visiting your site and I’m truly saddened to be reading your latest post. Yes, there are times when our mojo gets all out of whack, things turn sideways and then downward. We need to keep on fighting because the lowest times separate the strong from the weak. Keep fighting!!!
Hi Beth,
I’m sorry that it had to come to this…I guess being in your situation was unavoidable on your part. I grew up similarly, not because my dad died, but because he just wasn’t there and because my mother lacked the maturity that she should have had I had to grow up quickly as well.
If there was something I could do to assist you, I would…I can barely keep myself and my wife above the rising tides.
Find something you love and are passionate about, and try until you just can’t try any more to make it work. that’s the only advice I know to give, perhaps it will help one day.
Your friend
Matt
Dear Beth,
I have read a couple of your posts and feel that I know quite a bit about you. But must you really go. Even if you have to, remember that every end is a new beginning in the wings. And knowing how you have faced life on your own from such a young age, I can tell you that you are quite strong. So dont give up Cheers & all the best for everything you do in life.
Never give up hope with anything, we all have ups and down, it’s just hurdles you have to learn to jump high enough to clear.
Take care and good luck with everything.
Kiss for the frog – X
BurningBoy