Yes, Men and Women Can Be Friends Without Having Sex.
I experienced the age-old myth today, you know the one, that men and women cannot be friends without some sort of sexual attraction, or secret sexcapades at some point in the friendship. I am here to say- men and women can be friends without thinking of each other naked.
I stopped by the grocery store I worked at while in college earlier today and the person I consider my best friend, who happens to have a penis, is one of the managers. Every time I go in we talk- sometimes for 10 minutes, sometimes an hour. We laugh, we bitch about others and we can both tell each other things we wouldn’t normally tell someone else. No, he isn’t gay-he’s married to the woman, (whom I fixed him up with 10 years ago and she hates me because of our friendship), we’ve known each other since we were 5 years old. That’s right, 30 years of friendship. Sure, he was my “boyfriend” in Kindergarten, we were divorced in the 4th grade, but since that time, I haven’t thought of him as anything other than who he is-Adam. My best friend, my confidant and someone I will always stay in touch with no matter what life brings. He’s more of the brother I never had than anything, really, and it’s difficult to get people to understand this fact.
So, today while we were talking our usual-politics, stupid people and what we would do if we were in power, apparently one of the office workers asked a cashier and I am quoting, “Did Adam and Beth have something going on when she worked here?” Of course the cashier told me this and at first I was going to confront the witch, whom I dislike anyway, but decided to let Adam know instead. Why? Because questions, such as the one she asked, only cause trouble and have the potential to ruin a relationship someone has-whether it’s a girlfriend or a wife. I don’t understand why, if a man and a woman talk, it’s automatically assumed they’re having sex, or had sex in the past. My friendship with Adam couldn’t be more platonic. I love him yes- I love him like a family member and always will. I know the woman who asked the “question” has nothing better to do than start rumors, but I was so flabbergasted by her accusations-I started to think. Why is there an unwritten rule, that men and women cannot possibly be friends without, at some point in the friendship, jumping in the sack? I would rather have a friend for life that I could count on, than ruin it with complicated emotions and situations. What are your opinions? Can men and women, just be friends?
Wow that’s a hard one. (Did I just say that?)
Many of my friends are guys. I don’t plan it that way, that’s just the way it’s always been. I certainly don’t have sex with any of them. I really don’t know if people talk about me.
I know there was some gossip going around when I had some lesbian friends.
I dunno why.
This is a huge misconception. You are right people of the opposite sex are automatically assumed to be doing the hibity dibidy. Oh well, who cares I guess. Although rumors can be damaging to a relationship, if they aren’t smart enough to find out the facts, they are stupid and their opinion doesn’t matter any way. I have a female friend that when people see us together, they automatically think that something is going on. I guess it doesn’t help that we sometimes play into it to give the gossips some material.
I agree with you. Platonic relationships do exist and people always tend to jump to the wrong conclusions. I am happily married and I still maintain all of my male friendships without any hiccups. The hubby is secure in my male coterie. Glad you have a friend in Adam. Let the rest of the world worry about themselves. You just worry about your friend.
I agree with you. It’s perfectly normal to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. My best friend is a guy and somehow everyone always assumed that it was more than just a friendship. It’s annoying!
sex is just a means to an end. but u dont have to really “jump into the sac” to have a good friend. as a guy, i hav males and females in equal proportions as my friends. with females, its just a flirty affair coz they know i mean no harm. its the trust that matters. let the world go digging the dirt.
I tend to have male friends more often than female. Guys tend to have more fun, be less ‘who shoved a tree branch up my ass’ uptight, laugh at disgusting bodily noises, and eat things that taste good. Women in general, at least where I live, only want to talk about their kids, fat, what they aren’t eating, their new diet, gossip, backstabbing and bitching. Just not that fun.
It is possible, I have many friends who are guys. I mean sheesh.
Yes I to feel there can be platonic relation between man and women.
Ok. I am a guy. Yes I you can have female friends. But at least once, the thought of sex might have come up. But nothing ever happened. Though one time I tried to kiss my friend and she denied me. She still makes fun of me for trying to this day. DENIED!
Of courses, men and women could be friends without engaging in any sexual activities. What’s more important in friendship is that you understand each other.
This is a touchy subject.
My wife and i really had some trouble dealing with this.
I had a friend who i considered a best friend from before i got married. Matter of fact, my wife met me hanging out with this person and actually hung out with us at times.
Then one day, we were over at my friends house and something that before seemed innocent but i guess was just a bit too much for the wife happened.
My friend came out of the shower butt naked and was changing her clothes in front of my and my wife flipped.
Now she does not want me to even talk to my friend. The funny thing is that i’ve seen her like this many times, we’ve slept in the same bed before, but never once did anything…
Go figure
Yes, they can. My BEST FRIEND in all the world is a guy from Australia that I email everyday.
We have known each other for like 3 years now.
He knows everything about me! Hell, he even knows my cycle better then I…lol
And, yup – we met last year, and did NOT sleep together either. We are the best of buddies though!
LOL. If you claim that then, you don’t know anything about man and women.Or it is just a lack of experience in life? They are not made to be friends,they are made to be lovers,and one side will always find sexual attraction to the other,so there will never be pure friendship relation. There will be always hope in head of one of them that maybe sex is possible somewhere in the future. And of course nobody is willing to tell you that. HOPE FOR SEX IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CALL FRIENDSHIP??? LOL If you don’t believe me,just observe your friend,sooner or later question or move will pop-up,if he/she is not too damn shy.
Evidently, cvrle77 only thinks of sex and didn’t read my entire post. Hoping for sex? He has sex with his wife. I don’t see him as a sexual partner, I see him as one of the best friends I could have ever asked for, therefore there is no “hope” from either side for sex. I’m not doubting he’s ever thought of it, all men think about it, but would he act on it and risk a friendship? Never. He’s one of two honest, stand-up guys I know. We’re more like family than anything and believe me, if we had ever wanted to have sex with each other, we had plenty of opportunities growing up and after we grew up. Now, if you’re a guy, stop thinking with the appendage you’ve probably named, if you’re a female, the lips of your vagina weren’t meant to dish out advice.
ahah well written post you got it worked out!tell me that though
Ofcourse I agree with what you have told right now. even i have friends of opposite sex and still like to chat with them often
eh, I agree that men and women can be platonic friends, but let me tell you, if the woman is at all attractive the man is going to jump at the chance to have sex with her. IMHO.
I think its possible, but for a man it is extremely hard if she is somewhat attractive unless he is married and moral.
I do believe people can have friends, just friends of the opposite sex, however, I think it would be unfair to say that the idea of more than friends never pops into either/both of their heads. My question is if this topic isn’t personal, and of no importance to you, and it’s as simple as shrugging it off, why post a frustration?
No chance..women and men can’t be just friends. At some point, one of them will want more than that.
Being in the “friend zone” is completely up to the female. They will remain just friends as long as she likes. If the female presents the opportunity for sex to the male, he’ll bang her like a screen door in a hurricane!
-Caveman
I have to disagree with Caveman – I have had several female friends for years, and quite honestly have not ever considered having sex with them. I have a hot, beautiful wife who for some reason puts up with me and I adore her for it. I am just not attracted to anyone else. Men and women can be friends as long as the GUY is not a jerk and the WOMAN is not a jerk.
It is possible, and the fact that you have been friends since you were small children, helps. However, the thought of something more always figures into the picture, from one of the parties, at some point; and I agree that much of the result depends on the woman. Can a man and woman be just friends when the woman wants more…I do not think so. Either it will turn into something more, or else he will move on, unless he has no self-respect.
If one or both of you are in a relationship, there is no doubt it will cause a problem with that relationship. Especially if that party discloses to the friend the intimate (not meaning strictly sex) details about the relationship. It is a major breach of trust, and better kept behind closed doors at home, and discussed with your bestfriend, which is your partner, or should be.
Can they be friends? Sure, I think as long as one of them isn’t attracted to the other.
I have lot’s of male friends. But I grew up in Sweden, where our thinking may be a bit more liberal.
I really think it is pretty narrow to think that everyone’s got sex on their mind ALL the time…
Of course men and women can be friends….
How sad to think that they can not….
I feel no sense for discussing this affair, because i don’t specially care the sexual developing between men and women, if the pair love each other, they would be fall in love and make love. in my opinion, men and women would also be friends with having sex.
Interesting. However, I prefer to making friends with sex.
Nothing impossible .
interesting new. thank you to the author
Of course men and women can just be friends, in fact I think that any relationship between a man and women that doesn’t get sexual right away is pretty much set in the friends mode… I find that if you don’t hit it off right away in a boyfriend/girlfriend way that the friend mode takes over and there is no going back… but I think that is a good thing.
I agree. Men and women can be friends.
I certainly agree. men and women can be friends but it’s different between boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s very impossible not having sexual attraction.
It’s nice to have friends with benefits…..but it’s even better to enjoy the benefits of real friends. Or something like that.
Hey where you from? I’m from South America this is great post, will help us a lot ..thanks
Yes. I completely agree with your thoughts. because men and women can be friends without having sex. sex is one of the important in life. not only whole life. ok?
I am fully agree with this article. Men and women can be just friends, but some people can`t believe it and this is so sad because many friendships are breaking because this.
thanks for sharing this with us
I am totally agreed with your words and thoughts!! i just got impressed with your article.. pls write some more like this in the future. . My best wished!!!!!!
??? ??? ???? ??????????!
I have found from personal experience it is tough for men and women to be close as friends without some sort of tension. The friendship can exist and be strong but deep down there is usually more then meets the eye.
Friendship is more than having sex, when you have best friends, they will not use you for their benefits
You so want to have sex with this friend.
Nothing impossible .
Men and women can be friends without feeling even remotely attracted to each other. I have plenty of guy friends that are just that – friends. Sometimes relationships can complicate friendships, and since I have a boyfriend I don’t go hang out with my guy friends, but they are still there to say a quick, “Hey, hello, how are you?” when we run into each other at the store.
Like the movie when harry met sally…..I don’t think women and men can be real friends unless they follow some clauses…I don’t want to go there because that’s another story, but I really think in your case, that if you are not ugly, Adam at some point had a crush on you of some sort…and he may never bring it up because of their friendship…but for men it is almost impossible of not think about a women sexually…if she is fat and ugly that’s a different story or if he is gay LOL great post!!
I think in really depends. I believe you can be friends. But what if you have a fantasy about that person. Sure you can be friends but its tough. Unless your not attracted to them at all. Then its very possible
I think that most friendships btwn opposite sex starts out with some physical attraction. Bcuz its the physical that bring them together mentally. And if the female is willing the male is always willing to have sex. I’ve seen guys approach women all to find out they’re in relationships and they guy say well that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends and they do but still waiting for his chance to have sex with her. Of coarse women can have male friends but i’m willing to bet each one of these can to tell you how they are attracted to them in way one or another. For the guys that will not sleep with female friends, they’re few and far between.
I definitely believe you can be friends with guys without having sex. Even if sometimes the attraction is there and you may flirt, it’s a decision you make that you’re better off having that person as a friend and then you stick with it. end of story.