WalMart Lowered My Redneck Status.
There was a time, not too long ago, that I considered myself a “high-class” redneck. I have no tires, or car parts in my yard, I don’t wear camo and although I think a few NASCAR drivers are cute, I don’t consider it a religion. Tonight, or shall I say earlier this morning, I did something to lower my high-class status. I went to WalMart wearing pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt.
What is so funny about the whole thing is the fact I emailed someone earlier about people going to WalMart in pajamas. But, I had no choice. Ok, wait, I did have a choice but at the time I was so miserable I didn’t care what I was wearing. See, I’ve been going to the tanning bed a few days a week. My mother and I split a package, yadda, yadda, yadda and while I’ve always been one to tan fast, for some reason I’m breaking out in hives. This isn’t the first time, the last time I was in a tanning bed, which was close to 4 years ago, the same thing happened, (and before any of you give me the “tanning beds are dangerous speech,” yes, I know, we’re all going to die from something and I might as well have a tan), and after a few visits the hives disappeared. Not this time. My stomach, back and legs are covered in itchy patches not unlike poison ivy. I bought calamine lotion at the dollar store, to no avail, and when I decided I needed Benedryl spray and hydrocortisone cream, I was covered in pink, dried calamine and wasn’t about to shower. This is where WalMart comes in-I swear to you it’s a cult. I heard a voice saying, “It’s just WalMart, who’s going to see you at 2am wearing blue pajama pants and a gray sweatshirt covered in pink goo?” WalMart has finally taken over my soul. I knew I had been there too many times, but for the life of me I never thought I’d go in my pajamas-after making fun of so many others. So, today, I shall sacrifice a John Deere cap, a bag of chewing tobacco and a case of Budweiser in the hopes the redneck Gods give me my high-class status back. If not-the next time I enter that forsaken place, I’ll be wearing flip-flops, spandex and a tank top.
I can’t help it. I loves me some Walmart. I am sure you fit right in and didn’t get a second glance. Next time you get hives, the absolutely have to take Benedryl. Nothing works as fast. Way better than any cream or the nasty “pink stuff”.
Interesting dilemma, I am not sure where I stand on wearing pajamas to Wal*Mart. I would not do it personally, but then again its just walmart.
Ehm I know this has absolutely nothing to do with your entry, but I just wanted to let you know I tagged you….
Oh no! I hope you feel better soon. Maybe you’re allergic to something they use to clean the beds or something?
Eh, I know exactly what you mean — I really do try to avoid going to WalMart, but between the hours, the range of products, and the cheap prices there are times I just can’t resist. And many of those times are at 2am, when it doesn’t really matter what you where there, does it?
Ahhh! I meant wear there, hehe.
I used to have hives all the time as a kid, and my mom would make me warm baths with a box of baking soda dissolved in it, worked great!
I’ve seen barefoot women in swimsuits in WalMart, jammies, pregnant people who really needed to buy some pregnant clothes so the rest of us didn’t have to experience their stretch marks and popped out belly button, people who were old enough to know better in practically nothing, and people I’d TOTALLY like to get to know better in practically nothing (usually jailbait tho).
Rock On!!
We were visiting my Sis in South Dakota + she had Tix for us to see Larry the Cable Guy in Sioux City* Well he did these Crazy Walks of people who Shop @ Walmart after Midnight – I never laffed so hard in my life – oh god he’s Funny!!
I think he even captured U + yer Itchy Thighs!!
;PPP
great blog. couldnt agree more about Wal mart. The wal mart out here where i live is open 24/7. even on xmas. you should see the people there. they even bring kids at 3am! crazy!
I won’t give you the “tanning is bad” speech because I LOVE going! : ] Hope you start feeling better soon!
And as for Wal-Mart — a brand new 24 hour center just opened in my town and I’ve already been about 10 times! Haha
“flip-flops, spandex and a tank top” – you could do worse…like A flip-flop, worn spandex and a tube top. Coincidentally that’s exactly what I wore to my senior prom.
Well, I guess it all depends on which appendage you wore the flip-flop on.. I’d pay to see pics.
Stole your soul you say … well think like this: how many places out there let you wear your worst outfit and still fit in and not get any more looks as the next person ? For me Wallyworld is the place to go when I’m feeling blue. Not only can I really don’t care, but also get a laugh and cheer up. Walmart saves your soul!
Funny post. You might want to check out my post titled “You Might Be a Redneck Blogger If”.
This post reminded me of an interview I saw about Larry The Cable Guy. I wonder if he was meant to endorse WalMart in the interview, because he sure did.
I’ve seen it all in Wal-Mart and as for myself, I’ve ventured there in clothes that I wouldn’t want my best friend to see me in.
Are you using any type of lotion when you tan? My friend is fine to tan, but if she tries to use any type of lotion or sunscreen then she gets sun-poisoning (little red itchy bumps) something in them irritates her skin.
Have you watched the documentary about WalMart?
Looks like it’s possible to get genital warts and Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) from tanning beds. Yikes. Or if you have Crohn’s disease due to vitamin D deficiency, then a tanning bed could be a treatment.
If I had to pick, I’d rather have herpes than shit my shorts every five minutes.
-Caveman
I go out in my PJs all the time. But I’m a guy (redneck)…we can get away with it.
Actually I’m like you…a civilized redneck. You might get a kick out of this site:
http://www.redneckcomputergeek.com
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