I knew the title would make some of you perk up-unfortunately I’ve yet to find a way to get a prick without a man, that is, unless you read the post I wrote about how I don’t save the dolphins. No, No, this post is about how I, the one who could never sew a button, much less do anything remotely crafty, decided, “Hey, I can make my own lampshade cover.”

The conclusion? No, I can’t.

Since sewing not only a patch on a pair of old jeans, repairing a hole in my favorite pillow, and making some excellent vegetable soup, I have this crazy idea that I’m Martha Stewart. This morning, I awoke a little after 4, did a few things for two clients, washed clothes, yadda, yadda, yadda and thought about the floor lamp at my mom’s house. See, this is how my mind works. Washing clothes one moment, thinking about a lamp the next. I called her and told her I was coming over to get it, (by this time it was almost 8, she was getting ready for work). The material on the plastic shade was in shambles and I had an epiphany.

“Material. I need material.”

I knew I couldn’t afford to go to Wal-Mart, so I came home, counted out change and waited for the Dollar Tree to open. My bright idea? Cloth napkins-mainly because they were the only types of material I could find, except for place-mats and they didn’t have the color I wanted. I bring my goodies home and begin the not so well thought out project of sewing the damn things together. This is the point the pricks come in. Not one, not two, not even three. A few under my fingernails, the side of my left thumb and my palm.

More pricks in one day than I’ve had my entire life.

I then bring out the good ol’ Elmer’s Glue and begin gluing like a mad woman. I had an idea of how I wanted the shade to look, but it certainly wasn’t how it turned out. Remember doing crafts in Sunday School or 4-H Camp? Yeah-an 8 year old could do better. It’ll do, for now. I just thank goodness people know I am not and will never be a Martha Stewart. And hey-if anyone asks, yes, I did get a prick today.