How To Almost Kill Yourself With A Bed-Sheet While Sleeping.
I hate bed-sheets ,(fitted sheets I have no issues with), almost as much as I hate socks. Both make me feel bound and smothered so I avoid them at all costs. Today, however, I washed a set of sheets I hadn’t used, plus my quilt, pillow cases, etc., and thought of how comfortable sleeping in the bed would be, especially on such a cold and snowy day. I get in bed, cover up with the sheet, then my warm fuzzy blanket and finally the quilt. I quickly fall asleep for about 3 hours, awaking to this-my artistic rendition of the almost suicide:
Notice how the sheet is wrapped around my body and the bed? When I got in bed, the bedding was nice and neat. I awoke to find the sheet had taken on a mind of its own and decided to try to kill me. It was wrapped around my neck, my right arm and left leg. Now tell me, what in Sam Hell does one have to be doing in his/her sleep to be almost killed by a sheet? My quilt and fuzzy blanket were on the floor beside the bed. The curtain panel closest to the bed was also entangled in the mess. What if I had been strangled? How would they write my obituary? “Killed by bed linens.”? And the medical examiner coming to get me would add a whole new meaning to “bed in a bag.”
The sheet is now folded and tucked away in a drawer. I’m not taking anymore chances.
I’m sure some company somewhere must make some kind of “safety sheets”…
Jason – GorillaSushi’s last blog post..Butt-Squirell Caption Contest
Aren’t safety sheets the plastic kind they use for old people and kids so they don’t ruin the mattress?
Obit: The Big Sleep
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lol.
I forget to move when asleep. Not sure how healthy that is but it keeps the bed looking good
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I dated a guy who never moved a muscle the entire night. I don’t know how he did it- I’m all over the place when I sleep. Which probably explains why I’m still single.
lol the caption made me laugh so hard -_- Yeah, ive sort of run into that same kind of thing, im all over the bed when it comes to sleeping. i always wake up tangled in my sheets, although never life-threatening like the sheets around my neck
The strange thing is- since I removed the sheet, the quilt and fuzzy blanket have stayed in place. I think the sheet has it out for me.
funny but interesting post
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I may not be able to sleep tonight worrying about Strangler sheets. I will sleep in my basket instead.
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Okay, so now I gotta know: where do you usually sleep (if not the bed)? Or is it just that you usually sleep on the bed without sheets?
*grin*
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lol I sleep in a bed without a top sheet. I’m not THAT big of a redneck
Hilarious. I know I move around in my sleep, but never as much to wrap myself up in my sheets. Personally I just use a blanket/comforter…no sheets.
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I have a Martha Stewart Quilt I bought a few years ago that I love. Then a friend of mine gave me a Gift Certificate to Amazon and I bought a fuzzy/soft blanket lol
I love your writing style! You made me laugh hysterically!
DH and I go round-and-round about this because I can sleep and never move and he’s all twirled up in the blankets by morning and I don’t have a one on.
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Glad I could make you laugh- Yeah, if I ever get married my husband and I are going to have issues. Being an only child and never having to sleep with anyone has me spoiled-not to mention all over the bed when I sleep.
ROTFL!!! This is why I finally switched to a duvet – one of those blankets where the top and bottom sheets are sewn together and act like a pillowcase over the blanket… in this case a “home-made” duvet I made by sewing together no less than 14 blankets. HEAVY. I love it, but changing the sheet-cover is a work-out and a half….
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I’d kill myself for sure using a duvet. It would weigh me down so much I’d never be able to get up
OK… I’ve heard it all! A bed linen fetish? lol Funny story! I rather like sheets though to be honest. As long as it’s not hot.
:O)
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Sheets are evil. Pure evil.
Wow… I don’t know what you do in your sleep lol. I wake up and the sheets and blankets are in the same place they were when I went to sleep.
Scary thought ain’t it? I don’t know what I do either but that afternoon I was apparently all over my bed.
“Sam Hell”? You don’t thnk it might be a distant relative to you know who?
lol- you should see the argument we have going on over at http://www.blarguments.com- he keeps saying the same crap.I quite enjoy it myself.
Normally I’m accused of having ‘kicky feet’ which disengages the sheets and comforter from being tucked in at the foot of the bed. But I think you’ve taken kicky feet to a whole new level
Oh I can’t stand to be “tucked” in- one foot has to be outside the covers at all times.
I have actually woken up so tightly wrapped in the sheets it was near impossible to get out. Now you got me thinking if there are any actual report deaths from bed linen.
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I’ll do research on sheet deaths lol
Ever read the Waterson’s cartoon series Calvin and Hobbes? Your post reminds me of the battles Calvin has with his bicycle. It’s out to get him. Same with your sheets. Better be careful that the storage lid is on tight because if that sheet gets loose…
How’s your rem sleep? Have any interesting nightmares you can write about? I’ve heard Steven King has the same problem with his sheets. When he gets attacked, he gets up and starts writing about what he remembers from his dreams.
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“Now tell me, what in Sam Hell”
hmm. was that on purpose or accidental?
that artist’s rendition is amazing.
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Wow. That is totally effed up….
Sounds like an adventure! I am so cold-natured that I usually sleep with like 5 blankets!
Keep posting (and not getting killed by bed sheets)and I’ll keep coming back!
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Thanks for making my day LMAO
Spoiled as a tall kid ,slept alone under overstuffed down comforters and and pillows and always had a queen sized bed .A flu high fever had the comforter rolling over me and crushing me with a life long claustrophobia fear.
At 6ft 5 I can currently roll up the comforter, the flat sheet ,the fitted sheet, the mattress cover ,on what is now a king !
My girlfriend only moves to recover some of the covers I unknowingly try to stel!Thanks for thr laugh Beth.
You know, this is a very interesting illustration, and something I have pondered often… because I tend to mummify myself in the sheets every night.