Yesterday I went to the Hallmark store to buy one of my mother’s Christmas presents and after I finished browsing and buying her gift, I decided to drive through Arby’s for a baked potato. Even though I am technically over the cold, I still don’t have much of a voice. I sound like I’m doing a really bad Southern-accented version of Kim Carnes, (Betty Davis Eyes fame), or a young Bea Arthur. Yes, it’s that bad.

I pull up to the drive-thru speaker to order:

“I need a baked potato with butter and sour cream only and a medium Sierra Mist.”

“That was a regular roast beef and what?” (How she got roast beef out of baked potato I’ll never understand).

(my voice as loud as I can get it, speaking slowly) “No, a baked potato with butter and sour cream and a medium Sierra Mist.”

“Ma’am, I can barely hear you, can you turn your car off?” (This is the first time I have ever been asked to turn my car off-and my car isn’t loud).

“Can you hear me now?”

“Ma’am, is there a lot of traffic going by? I can’t make out what you’re saying. If you want to order, then order.”

(me, extremely pissed by now) “Look, I don’t have a voice, I can’t get any louder and there is no traffic, do you want me to pull to the window?”

At this time I see an employee open the back door and he asked me if I needed “assistance” in ordering, (like I’m a deaf customer). I said yes, I don’t have a voice and the goober on the other end doesn’t seem to get it.”

“What do you want and I’ll tell her.”

By now, I’m pinching between my nose and eyes because for goodness sakes, all I want is a damn baked potato and a Sierra Mist. Then it dawned on me-payback for all those times in the drive thru when I couldn’t understand a word Sparky was saying. I giggle, out loud and looked over to notice the employee was waving me on to go to the window. Do you know what’s even better? An apology from the manager, who was the employee who took the initiative to walk outside, and a free meal. And the satisfaction in knowing I gave the drive-thru boobs a dose of their own medicine.