How To Seduce The How To Blogger Into Giving Me $100.
This article is part of How2Blogger’s Super Sexy Holiday ‘How To’ Contest which you can see at How2Blogger’s ‘How To’ site.
Never having used my powers of seduction, (insert lie here), I thought I would give it a try in order to win a contest. Now, I know, some of you may say, “Beth, you’re willing to sell yourself for a measly $100?” Simply put, yes. Mama needs some new shoes and a can of Slim-Fast-these don’t come cheap. Come to think of it, forget the $100, I’ll seduce him, (I’m assuming he’s a “he” but who cares), for the shoes and Slim-Fast.
- First, I will invite him over to my trailer for a little “get to know each other” time. I’m a firm believer in getting to know a person before seducing-otherwise I tread water on being a little promiscuous and performing illegal activities. He’d have to use the $100 to bail me out of jail. This is my humble abode- the weeds will be gone before he comes over.
- As the old saying goes, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Well, listen up How To Dude, I can cook-and I plan on cookin’ you up some good ol’ possum, marinated in Boone’s Farm Strawberry Wine. There ain’t nothin’ better, I’m tellin’ ya. Oh, if this one gets loose before you come-I’ll scrape one off the road. They’re usually juicier.
- I know by now all of you are envious, but there is more. I can’t seduce a man without taking him out for a romantic, moonlit evening on my yacht. We can relax after a wonderful meal, chat, get cozy and well, who knows what this will lead to…
- You guessed it, folks. All of the wining and dining will lead to me, adorning myself in sexy lingerie and doing unspeakable things to the How To Blogger. I’ll leave the details, (along with the picture below), for you to ponder.
Perhaps, after all is said and done, the How To Blogger can tell me how to get my fat ass up off that couch.
Hilarious! Almost spread my coffee across the screen. Best of luck with this entry.
Well I’m not sure exactly what to say. But make sure all ya all head over and check out my upcoming post “How to escape from the handcuffs chaining you around the toilet of the doublewide.”
Purchase a link for $3 on my TopSpots for ONE WHOLE MONTH. Help this little froggie out-and get a permanent link on my regular blogroll.
by getting in your top spots I can get a permanent link?
Oh my!!!! This is hilarious Beth… If I had $100 to give away I would hand it over to you straight away. You would have sucked me right in
Collin: It always pleases me when I can almost make people spew anything.
HowTo: I don’t use handcuffs- I use bungee straps. I have plenty so don’t worry about bringing a spare.
Matthew: $3 is all it costs, although I’ve considered raising it to $5 due to the Holidays and well, the possible legal action taken against me once I’m finished with The How To Blogger.
Secretely: I accept all major credit cards.
lmao
hehehe…that’s a pretty funny post. I especially like the way you cook…i’d be stick thin in no time!
HowTo: Oh, you laugh now, but have you ever been tied to a gun rack with a bungee cord?
Nick: hey don’t underestimate the taste of possum. One piece of advice-use a lot of ketchup, salt and pepper and you’ll swear you’re eating some form of chicken. Chicken that’s been dead for quite a while.
Beth: I think it would take a heck of lot of hot sauce (pronouced “Sawce” in some there parts) to kill my tastebuds before I’d eat possum. Thanks for the tip though…ketchup and a little S&P go a long way. Hopefully it’s not as rubbery as a rubber chicken that’s been dead for a while.
Funny you should ask me that. Before moving to Vegas I lived in Texas for a few years and one time I was…well, let’s just say they don’t always take to kindly to strangers trying to tip their cows…
Nick- only the road-kill scrape-ups are rubbery, you know, being in the sun for so long and all.
How2: I’m learning more about you each day and frankly, it scares me, in some sort of redneck erotic kinda way.
Careful…you may have oversold yourself. Men around the world may be packing up, leaving their wives and heading for yor neck of the woods.
You’ll be able to spot them easily - they’ll be the ones wandering around town, dragging their suitcases behind them, moaning “Beth…Beth…” like possum crazed zombies.
Jason: Have you seen a possum crazed zombie in the past? I’m just a tad curious. OMG I just thought of something.All of these men will have mullets and be wearing tshirts with the sleeves cut out. How sexy. I’m anticipating your arrival.
lol! This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG time.
I so needed funny today. Thanks!
FreeMe: Anything for you hon
Great post!This post really made me laugh out loud after a long time!Kudos!Good luck!