I’m a huge fan of AsSeenOnTV.com, but I will admit, I have never seen this product advertised before. It is, in my opinion, the perfect gift for any redneck. What is it you ask? The Breath Alcohol Check. Yes, now you too can do your civic duty and ask people to breathe into a plastic tube to check their alcohol level. There is one major problem with this little gadget, though. It’s a one-time use only product. So, my calculations tell me that a majority of rednecks would need to purchase at least 30 and at $9.95 a pop we’re talking some major bucks. According to the item description,

Breath Alcohol Check takes the subjectivity out of the question, “Are you OK to drive?” Remember “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive”.

Ever? I thought the correct phrase was, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk?” But, according to the makers of The Breath Alcohol Check, we shouldn’t let friends drive at all. Period. End of story. And guess what? We can use their product as an excuse. Have a friend who drives like an old woman? Make her breathe into the little tube, convince her she’s been drinking and like magic- no more driving. Does your senile mother’s driving get on your last nerve? Break the tube and make her breathe. No more riding around hanging on to the dash-because remember, “Friends don’t let friends drive.”

I’m still debating whether or not most rednecks would be able to read the results, because after all, most don’t know their colors and since Yellow = Below .05% and Green or Aqua = At or above .05%, this might be a little confusing. They may think green means, “Go, keep chugging that beer,” and that yellow means, “whoa, big fella, slow down to two beers every 15 minutes.”